Happy Anniversary

Failed my resilience test.

I Still Miss You

this life holds no joy without you,, goodbye

talk to me

I Loved You Lauren, with everything i was doing to show you i would get past my issues to always be gentle, kind and understanding to you , you shouldn't of left me, never mind start being with another less then a month later, what kind of a person is with someone for 3 years and swears they love them so much and wants to spend her life with him and can just move on like that no words said, you broke my heart and i can't get past this pain, you dont even care and so i shall not either, i am sick of crying my nights and falling into such sad toughts all day long, i dont want this life anymore I love you and i did everything i could to show you that, your a selfish person if you couldn't see it, everyone else in my life seen it how far i was going to prove it you, live your life then.IDWM

i always loved you and only you,,im sorry it's not enough to keep me going anymore. Im sorry

i never lied to you,, i sure ass hell never messed around on you,, i worked so hard to at my issues and i was getting past it,, you said some pretty mean shit to meas well and i never held it against you,, i love you, i can't explain why i do so much but i know that my heart has only ever felt this way about you and only you,, i am coming back to welland for a few days for monicas Birthday ,, please talk to me lauren,, you are wrong about me and they are telling you lies to make you hate me so they dont lose you again ,, they used you before and you choose not to deal with them because of it ,, why would you trust them now ,, it makes no sence.. you really should talk to me ,,before you go letting go of someone who cares this much about you,,please lauren ,, all i have ever dreamed about was you . please talk to me

i swear to you i never did any of the shit they said i did ,, you should know that ,,, not becaues i love you ,because its not who i am ,, i can't cheat or be unfaithful ,, its not me,, think about Lauren,, Steph Cheated on me for years with differant poeple and i still never did it to her ,, its not me,, please trust me,, i may of been angry but i was always deeply inlove with you and i never would of done that to you.. if you can't tell loseing you is my greatest fear so why would i do something like that to hurt you

I am Sorry for the things i did to you, it was only out of fear that you were going to hurt me, i love you so much and i see that you only were trying to believe in me, and i hurt you,, i am so sorry lauren,, i dont want to lose you ,, you really have been in my heart alone for all this years and i never wanted anything but you,,, please believe me ,, i miss you so much and i know i may never hold you again but i will keep trying to get you back. Can you please talk to me lauren,, there is no way you could hate me ,, i am just as loving as i told you i only let my fears get in the way same as you have ,, please we are meant for eachother i know it cause we wouldnt of both been hurt so bad by all this ,, please Lauren,, i do love you so muchand i am so sorry for the shit we have let happen to us,, please try and remember how sweet it was to holding eachother when fighting and fears weren't in the way,, please i am asking you with everything in me to just talk to me. I Love YOu

I never broke my word to you and i never will

These are your actions and choices that put us here ,, i never deserved what you did to me now your going around blameing me for everything,, what right do you have, i pured my heart and soul into us, i did everything to make you see that i wouldn't ever betray you now look at you what you are doing the things you have done,,, you betrayed me , you have no right putting it on meLauren, I LOved YOU With everything in me and you are the only one that couldn't see it ,, it blew the minds of everyohne in me to see the changes that had happened in me,,,,, but it didnt matter cause it was you that wouldnt open up and see ,,, lie to yuorself all you like,,, if i am wrong prove me wrong and stop being so closed minded

I Can't Believe You ,, All This Time It Really has been about the money, I wasn't sure till Jimmy started running his mouth,,, got news my dear i had morethen enough saved away to pay off your card and to cover the rent ,, i am sorry but i had to know what really was more important to you, i never wanted this Lauren i wanted you to see from your heart and love me,, but you are a selfish person even when i aske dyou why you loved me so much all you had was cause of how i loved you ,, you dont love a person for how they feel about you ,, you love them for who they are inside the choices they make and the honer they show,, i awas hosest and true to you, i never once even consider messing around on you and if you had taken the time to get to KNow Who i am you would of seen that i am just not able to cheat on someone its not who i am , you messed up big time Lauren, You have gone against everything you said you are and now you lost me, i am a true person to my wordand i go out of my way for anyone at all that needs help, you never took the time to know me so how could you ever of loved me and thats how you did all this without even blinking,.. I wish you all the best in your life Laurne, i hope someday you realize how to open up and how to truily see a perosn ,, I Love You Lauren. I will Never Forget You and i will never have anyone else in my heart but you. Take Care My LOve i hope you find yourself

I Love You So Much Lauren, I Never Betrayed You, I Miss You So Much,, every moment i think of you , it hurts inside so much and i just keep hopeing that you'll see how hard i worked to try and show you i was truily and honestly Deeply inlove with you. You are the only one for me Laurne ,, You knew this as i did ,, Please stop telling yourself it wasn't all we dreamed about we fought ,,both of us to better ourselfs and become more understanding ,, we both did and now we are letting our fears get in the way,, i can't lose you ,, i know your scared of being hurt and i amvery much as well Lauren,, But i know that when we held eachother nothing else mattered all the world went away when we touched ,, we gave eachother peace in our hearts in those moments for me it was the only peace i ever had in all my life,,, i miss you so much,, I Gave You My Word I wasn't like other guys, and i am not ,, i believe in ones heart is only meant for one, and mine has always been yours,, my life has been hard times bu i never once let you go in my heart, i never will, I Will Remain true to you Forever, I Love YOu

If You Ever Realize that i never lied to you and that i really did open up to you, if you find yourself wondering if you had just stayed if and opened up and trusted me what it could of been ,, Know then that i am still waiting for you , i know the person you are under all that distrust ,, and i know your distrust is what is holding you back,, i understand it what its like to be right there on the edge of it and not yet ready too,, i am waiting for you Lauren,i will never be with anyone else ,, i know how hard it was for you to deal with Steph, so i will never risk it for something that isn't who i and what i believe in, i know you will see ,, i never betrayed you i gave everything needed to make it all perfect to learn to be completely open to you ,, it wasn't perfect but i was so driven by my love for you there isn't a thing i wouldnt do... Please believe My Love ,,, You and i ,, forever try and see the truth lauren,, i never betrayed you ,, i went out and did what was needed ,, i did it because of how much i love you and al i wanted was your trust and love in return

I Love You Lauren Bourque, Forever and Always,My Life Is Yours

my intent was always true ,, i was getting help with my anger,,i ot the rings and made the dinner plans,, all the things i said i did ,,thats the truth ,, i never fucking betrayed you and you can't even care enough abou tme to even see that i did all this things cause i loved you ,,,damn you lauren ,, what the hell are you doing

those asses are lieing to you not me,, i can't believe you would believe them over me ,, what was lauren ,, the leaveing of a 65K a year job that didnt show i loved you beyond anything,, or maybe walking away from steph and monica and being riped apart in court for trying to be happy in my life ,, i have always been a good father and i have Always been a honest person,, i never lied to you or even steph all the time i was with her,, i gave and i gave and when it wasn't enough i gave even more,, whats it take you to realize a person loves you, you make me nuts lauren,, i love you beyond words ,, more then i ever dreamed about ,, but you act like i didn't and my god everyone in my life told you how much you changed me how much happier i was in my life being with you ,, you tell yourself i wouldnt be what i said but i am ,, i am sorry if you have been let down in the past agian and again ,, believe me i know what that feels like ,, but you could of trusted me ,,,i gave you all i of and you turned your back on me,, You act like i am the one that betrayed you but i didn't i am me and i know my god damn actions and i never once betrayed you,, i can't believe you are doing this to me,, did you even stop to think ,, oh well damn why would mike be so hurt and pissed and be breaking apart so bad ,, ummm,, gezz maybe because he really does love me and i am the one still holding my heart closed to him,, oh shit he changed his whole life for me because he loved me and wanted to show i was the key to his world ,, GOd damn it lauren,, I Was Always true To you and you are so wrong for doing this,, what the hell are you thinking ,, i am not anyone else you have been with you, you used the fact that i was with steph for 8 years against me ,, well heh guess what i was with one peerson doing the right thing taking care of my chold and being a good father ,,well you were with how many guys Lauren,, i am a true person yah i got anger problems i lived a really messed up life and i still turned up to be a man that does the right thing and puts others before himself ,, i am a great man,,i have always doen the right thing in life,, you want to judge me and call me a lier atleast look at who i am and the things i have done to show you how i felt about you ,, be fair about it and atelast addmiit that you could of trusted in me ,, you never did not ever and thats what drove you from me,, you just couldnt bring yourself to see how distrusting you are,, i dont blame you ,, not like others have given you reason to be,,, but i ,, i truily love you ,, i would give my life and anything else i could to prove it to you ,, even now when i feel so damn hurt and betrayed i still wnat to run to you and hold you and tell you it will be ok ,, dreams are meant for us ,, but i look around ,, wht dream ,,, where are you ,, already with another,, my how the words true love mean so litle to you.. ture means being true and you wern't as long as you kept your walls up to me and you did always from the start ,, i know you tried ,, i felt it at times from you ,, but i always knew you never really opened yourself to me,, thats why i got scared and started to protect myself ,,then it just feed from there,, I do Love you and only you ,, but till you can see that i was true toyou ,, if you ever do,, i miss you ,, i do ,, it huts so much ,, i lost so much of who i am when you left, you dont even know,, my story of you and my lvlove for you ,, it is all true and i can prove it to you ,, 100% ,, a fairytale love of one so undieing ,, you think i could ever make it up ,, all my livfe i only knew pain ,, but i could still make that up ,, where in my life would i learn of a perfect story like thst ,, damn you lauren,, i was fixing it all , ,,,, i dont have the strenth to do this with out you

i cant believe you,,, grow up lauren you fucking ran out on me and accuess me of shit i never even did,, you treated me like any other fucking guy you have ever been with ,, you could atleast be responable enough to take care of your own shit,, you did this not me ,, i am sick of telling you i didnt lie toyou ,,i did everything you ever asked and you walked out on me after i went for help out of the love i believed in with us,, and you act like i did this,, i didnt break this dream you did ,, you are to damn scared to trust anyone and so you tell yourself that they do it ,, well i didnt ,, i gave a billion percent to us ,, i drove in head first right at the start and you treatred me like i was just someother guy just like you are doing now

someday you'll realize i was true to you,and i will still be waiting,, try not to take forever

you did this.

Do royou remember when you got sick,, i came home home sick myself and you were laying on the bed in a ball, crying in pain, we took you to the hospital to get looked at and i myself had gotten galvanized poisoning , do you remember me having a fever of 105 and still not leaveing your side till i new what was wrong with you, do you remember how i was so sick i was white in the face and pukeing my guts out, i refused to be addmitted because they wanted to put me in a differant room,, i stood by your seide holding your hand so scared that something bad was wrong,, i only ever left to take a shower and i past out in the shower ,, your mom came home later and woke me up knocking on the door ,, i was so sick pretty much a edge of dieing and i got up out of the cold ass water and got dressed and went right back to the hospital to sit with you again,, you think i never showed you that you are my word ,, when did you stop watching

your right, i lied,i it all , your right to hate me , im a horrable person,
i treated you like shit all the time i never showed you anyknid of affection and i held you close and told you i worshiped you,, i never cried a tear for anything, i am just a anger heartless dishonest piss of shit and i don't deserve anything , i never once felt my world end and all my dreams and hope and my whole meaning of my life the past 15 years blow apart ,, all in a time i had turned myself around and opened my heart in ways i had never tought i could , i never loved you not at all i just used you and faked all the rest ,, thats all it was right, i never felt so beaten , i opened up you had me.

How sad is it that the only one i willever love doesn't see the love and dedication i have for her,,even sadder ,, she will never feel the same for me

what have you done